Not alone

I should have noticed right away: I am closer to God than I have ever been; I shouldn't have been so surprised, then, that things seem to get exponentially harder.

Everybody has bad days or weeks. That includes missionaries.

People do things we don't comprehend. Sometimes it's cultural. Like when other drivers force you off the road to yell at you in words you don't understand. And then it happens again. And again. You don't know what you are doing wrong and so you can't fix it. Other times its just a simple misunderstanding that still cuts deep. Maybe it's the worry and strain of wondering where provision for needs will come from, and when. It might be feelings of failure, self-doubt.

The days seem especially difficult when you feel disconnected from your support system back home. You want to call someone up and just vent or pour out your heart of disappointment, frustration and hurt. But no one there is going to be awake for hours or they're all out about their daily business. In the interim, you feel guilty for contacting a friend or loved one just to complain. So you hold it in.

Whatever the cause, the end result is you just feel... isolated. Cut off. Alone.

It's this aloneness that drives us ever deeper into the arms of Jesus. I realize my temptation is to run to my friends or my family first. God wants me to run to Him. I am discovering the joy in recognizing that God is my rescuer, my protector, my defender. It has become a deep comfort to know that Jesus stands ready and waiting to hear my prayers, my heartache, my fear. That when the many other people who love me are out of reach, He loves me more than anyone.

As servants living far away from home and support, we depend on expressions of love and prayers from those in our home country. Yet, we can also experience the profound abundance of God's love and care when no one else is near.