In a previous entry, I posted the first part of a story shared with me by Cezi, a student at European Nazarene College (EuNC). Cezi is from Albania and is a strong leader on campus. I am posting her life story, as she has told it to me in her words, in three parts. Here is the second part. (To see the first part, scroll down to the previous entry.)
-- Gina
When I was 17, I went to Italy to study engineering. God opened the doors to get there to study and I got involved in the church. It’s where I met the Church of the Nazarene. I decided to become a member of the church. I became the NMI president for three to four years. I was youth leader for a year, served on the church board and worship group, everything.
Before coming to EuNC 4 years ago, I went to South Africa for Third Wave. The preacher was talking about giving to God our five breads and two fishes; give everything and not just four breads and one fish. He will change our lives and the lives of people around us.
Since I saw so much injustice, I said, “God this is my life and I’m giving my five breads and two fishes, if this is going to be helpful to other people I give you all my self.”
Oh my gosh, many times I wish I didn’t do that prayer because from that moment all my life was going down and down. I started losing everything that was security for me. Especially the last two months before coming here, in a week I lost everything. The government denied the renewal of my documents so I couldn’t finish in the university. I couldn’t work anymore. I got depressed; I didn’t have joy in serving God. I didn’t trust Him anymore. I came to the point I said, “God, I don’t want anything, I just want peace.”
I did not get even that. It was very hard for me. Then I came to the point where I said, “If I have to spend the rest of my life in this condition, that is fine; I am choosing you anyway.”
I think that is the moment where everything changed. I said to God, “Let’s make a project together.” I work with projects (laughing). “I’m willing to go in a Bible school somewhere for six months, but I don’t have anything. I’m just giving you my availability, but you have to provide.”
I wrote down the seven points that I needed:
1. Scholarship
2. That my church would agree and recognize I have a gift
3. My family would agree (my mom would have had a heart attack knowing I was leaving engineering for theology)
4. Since I was providing for my family by working, that God provide another way for them to be supported
5. Documents and a visa to go somewhere to study
6. Somebody else could take over in the church the things I was doing
7. That I wouldn’t lose all the studies I had done with the university there
On Monday I received this phone call from the education coordinator of our district, Jessica Morris.
“You know, EuNC is giving scholarships for one year and I was thinking you and Sara can go there for six months, divide the scholarship together so you can go faster with the program.”
I started crying. The next day I talked to my pastor. He said the exact words I wrote in my journal: “Me and the church support you and recognize you have a gift for this.” I was crying again.
The other point—my mom. She was like, “You should go. Since you became a Christian, you have been so perseverant in this. It is time you respond to God in the gift he is giving you.” I couldn’t believe my mom was talking like that.
Then in my team with NMI, there was one of the guys who was a new Christian but he was so passionate for mission. I helped him to develop skills so he could take my place and he did a great job and still does.
Then I went to my university and asked them what would happen if I stopped. They told me that if you stop university for two years, you can restart the studies where you left off.
But God started to ask me for steps of faith. Everything was perfect, but now there was this part where I needed to make a decision. I said, “OK, God, I’m just going to accept that you are opening every door. I’ll do this and you’re going to provide the rest.”
I applied for German documents. That was a miracle. To get a German visa takes at least two months and I got it in two weeks. Every step was a miracle. I needed to have a document from the school, but the school was closed because it was August. But one morning I just decided to go and see. At the same time I arrived there, the secretary of the school was leaving for vacation and forgot something in the office. She was just there 5 minutes – the same time I came to see if I could get the document I needed.
Everything worked out. When I got all the visas, the field educational coordinator called me and said she was willing with her deputation funds to give me a two-year scholarship. It was just perfect.
During that time it was just rebuilding my relationship with God. I really didn’t believe him anymore. I was feeling guilty because I knew I should. If I would see all the things He had done in my life, I was like, “Are you stupid not trusting Him?” But I just couldn’t see it or feel it. It was just too far for me. I even told my church that although I was a leader in the church, I didn’t trust God any more. They said, “This is where we hold you.”
It was a painful process of learning, but at the same time, so rich.
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