In what I think of as Stephen Lawhead's pinnacle novel, Byzantium, Aeddan was a young, inexperienced monk in Celtic Ireland, chosen for the prestigious post of helping to carry the Book of Kells to the pope in Constantinium, in hopes that the Eastern Pope, during a time of divided Christianity, would offer protection for the Celtic Christians, who were experiencing pressure from Rome.
Along the pilgrimage, Aeddan and his companions were captured by crude, violent Vikings from the far north, and experienced many sufferings, persecutions and the loss of many of their gentle companions. Somewhere along the way, the Vikings were also taken captive, and similarly abused, beaten and pushed near to death. Many of them died.
In this unexpected turn of events, captives and captors became equal, so that Aeddan and his former captors were forced to work together to survive, and through these trials, they even became dear friends.
But it was because of all this suffering that Aeddan lost his faith in God. How could a God who is supposedly good allow so much evil and pain? Only when his Viking friends questioned him on points about his strange and foreign God, because they knew he was a priest in another religion, did Aeddan reluctantly answer their questions. He didn't know how to tell them he didn't believe the Bible stories himself anymore.
After all their adventures ended, and Aeddan came safely back to his monastery in Ireland, and the Vikings returned home to their northern forests, Aeddan gave up the cloth, but found himself in misery, lost, without a purpose.
He was surprised then, when suddenly a Viking ship was seen off the coast, and his friends rowed up onto the shore. Gunnar, his closest friend among the Viking men, grinning, exploded with what he thought was the good news that he and his companions were going to worship Christ now, and to build Him a church in their village. They had come to ask the monastery to send a priest back with them to teach their families and friends about this new God.
Aeddan was deflated. He had to finally admit to his Viking companions that he no longer followed this God.
In the final pages of the book, the two men sat side by side to talk. Gunnar sadly reports that his beloved wife and many family members died of a fever while he was gone.
"But everyone dies, and I will see her again in heaven, heya?"
Despair cast its dark cloak over me, and I said, "You see how unreliable this God is, and yet you still want to build a church? Truly, Gunnar, you are better off without it."
Gunnar regarded me in disbelief. "How can you speak so, Aeddan -- especially after all we have seen?"
"It is because of all we have seen that I speak as I do," I retorted. "God cares nothing for us. Pray if it makes you feel better; do good if it pleases you, but God remains unmoved and unconcerned either way."
Gunnar reminded Aeddan that his people have long prayed to gods who did not see, hear or care.
"But I remember the day you told me about Jesu who came to live among the fisherfolk, and was nailed to a tree by the skalds and Romans and hung up to die. And I remember thinking, this Hanging God is unlike any of the others; this god suffers, too, just like his people."
"I remember also that you told me he was a god of love and not revenge, so that anyone who calls on his name can join him in his great feasting hall. I ask you now, does Odin do this for those who worship him? Does Thor suffer with us?"
Aeddan was stunned at this interpretation of the stories he had told Gunnar, who continued, "Do you remember when the mine overseer was going to kills us? There we were, our bodies were broken, our skin blackened by the sun -- how hot it was! Remember?"
Gunnar went on: "I was thinking: I am going to die today, but Jesu also died, so he knows how it is with me. And I was thinking, would he know me when I came to him? Yes! Sitting in his hall, he will see me sail into the bay and he will run down to meet me on the shore; he will wade into the sea and pull my boat onto the sand and welcome me as his wayfaring brother. Why will he do this? Because he too has suffered, and he knows, Aeddan, he knows." Beaming, Gunnar concluded, "Is that not good news?"
This passage is why I rank this among the very few books that have changed my life.
We Western Christians talk often of something we call the "Problem of Suffering," or the "Problem of Pain." In our affluent culture, we can afford to avoid all kinds of everyday pain that is a way of life in developing nations or among the poor. Because we can, we try to.
If we are sick, we can go to the doctor and get treatment. Not always can our human medicine fix every problem or dull every pain, but we can get rid of a lot. If you have ever experienced a brief time of life-stopping pain, either a back spasm, a migraine, a cyst, a urinary tract infection; if you have ever had a bacterial infection that you could quickly treat with a visit to an urgent care center and a trip to Wal-greens or some other ubiquitous pharmacy, has it ever crossed your mind what you would do if suddenly all those treatments we take for granted didn't exist?
Imagine if we didn't have access to medicine for migraines, or back pain; imagine if we couldn't put antibiotic fluid on an open cut that had been exposed to soil or a contaminating agent? What would you do if you had a severe bladder infection and no means to treat it?
Much of the world lives with these periodic or chronic physical pains everyday. Some of it is not life-threatening; some of it is. People around the world have learned to live with pain.
In affluent countries, like everywhere, we also experience the unavoidable pain of tragically lost loved ones, divorce and broken relationships, abuse, sexual molestation, even less "serious" but equally painful experiences as teasing and rejection in school, failed dreams, lost jobs, lost homes, lost pets.
Just because we are affluent doesn't mean we don't suffer. Our pain is very real, but we have ways of dealing with it. We have counselors. We have the advantages of understanding some levels of human psychology and how to more effectively deal with traumas and damaged emotions than if we did not have what knowledge we have. We have mood-altering medications such as anti-depressants, anti-anxiety pills and more -- which recent studies show we are taking advantage of in greater and greater numbers.
When we experience natural catastrophes such as tornadoes and earthquakes, the pain of devastation and loss is very real, but government programs, insurance companies and teams of volunteers swoop in to clean it up and make it disappear as fast as we possibly can, paying out checks for what damage can be measured in dollars, and then rebuilding.
My point is not to say that affluent Western Christians don't experience suffering and pain. We do. What I'm saying is that culturally, we are oriented toward doing everything we can to make it stop. That's why we see counselors, spend time listening to friends; that's why at the very first pang of pain or ache, we pop painkillers or call a doctor's office for an appointment.
When a loved one dies or is torn from our life, our friends and family members are oriented toward helping us heal and move past it. We pray for healing. We pray and try to make the bad feelings stop.
And so, perhaps the one advantage that people in developing countries have over us is that they have learned to dwell and live in suffering and pain. They have learned to take it for granted. They have come to understand that suffering is part of life.
And in this way, they can not only accept a God who suffers too, but they can find immense relief and peace and joy and hope in this knowledge.
For us Westerners, I believe the suffering God is often a stumbling block. A God who allows suffering leads us to question His character and His goodness. Because we, in our Western orientation to ending pain as quickly as possible, assume that to be good -- and to have power and resources -- means God should do the same.
But what if that's not how God is oriented? What if one of the central joys of our Gospel message is that our God is one who has suffered? That our God can understand our pain because He has experienced the greatest pain of any conscious entity in the universe? He has not lost just one or two loved ones. He has lost billions. He has not been rejected by some people. He has been rejected by billions. He is forced to watch his living loved ones self-destruct in the most horrible ways, blind to the hope and joy and peace that He offers, and -- indeed -- the healing.
Our God suffers. He has suffered, He suffers now and He will continue to suffer.
His suffering is not forced upon Him, either. While we cannot avoid pain in this life, He can. For God, Jesus, the Holy Spirit, the worst suffering imaginable -- no, beyond our imagining -- has been a choice. And that choice has been 100% on our behalf. Because God wants to know what it is like to be us. And He wants to know that because He wants to be there in suffering with us.
This concept of simply dwelling in suffering is not something I could understand until 2010, when I came with Andrew to Europe, leaving behind our familiarities, our families and support systems. I quickly became very sick. After seeing doctor after doctor after doctor and finding no answers, getting test after test after test that showed nothing, and therefore having no knowledge of what to do to get better, I realized I had no recourse but just to dwell in a season of sickness.
One difficulty with being sick for several months, with no hint as to when it may end, is that it brings depression. You begin to wonder and lose hope that you might feel better. You can't go to work normally, you can't make plans with people in case you relapse and have to cancel, and you sense or assume that people won't want to spend time with someone who is depressed and sick. So you fall into some level of isolation.
There was added stress from my American cultural orientation that whispered to me I needed to force a positive, happy attitude on myself, and not let this problem get me down. But I knew I would be lying to myself and others. I didn't feel positive or happy or hopeful. I felt depressed.
That's when God seemed to be saying to me that I needed to just stop trying to feel better, both physically and emotionally, and that I just needed to accept some suffering for a while. Strangely, this harsh-sounding message did not feel cruel to me. In fact, it gave me a great sense of peace. I felt God saying that it was OK for me to hurt, and that it was OK for me to feel bad. It was time for me to simply experience this without my end goal involving doing whatever I could to make it stop.
After this experience, I have begun to have the faintest glimmer of understanding about suffering. Not much, because in 2011 I mysteriously got better. I have some theories as to why, but nothing concrete that I can "prove." My point is that while I have not suffered much compared to many people in this world, God showed me a little something about suffering: that He understands. That He wants to ENTER into suffering with me, and He does so out of His own experiences of suffering -- more suffering than I will ever experience or comprehend.
I also understand a little bit better that as a follower of Christ, I am called to enter into the suffering of others. While I think all Christians have a desire to bring an end to suffering and pain in any way that we can, and I still think we should do all we can toward those ends, I also think that first and foremost, before trying to prescribe solutions and raise campaigns and dole out advice to end all the world's forms of suffering and pain, we need to simply enter into it with others. We need to just BE with them in their suffering. That is what God did for us in the shape of Jesus Christ. FIRST, he ENTERED into our suffering on earth. The death and resurrection came AFTER that.
This is why I love more than ever, Gunnar's words in Byzantium: "He too has suffered, and he knows, Aeddan, he knows. Is that not good news?"
Isaiah 53:2-4, 7, 12c
New International Version (NIV)
He had no beauty or majesty to attract us to him,
nothing in his appearance that we should desire him.
He was despised and rejected by mankind,
a man of suffering, and familiar with pain
Like one from whom people hide their faces
he was despised, and we held him in low esteem.
Surely he took up our pain
and bore our suffering,
yet we considered him punished by God,
stricken by him, and afflicted.
he was led like a lamb to the slaughter,
and as a sheep before its shearers is silent,
so he did not open his mouth.
For he bore the sin of many,
and made intercession for the transgressors.
-- Gina Pottenger