Re-Defining My Role

My activity level changed abruptly following the students' departure and campus closure last June. For the first six months, I maintained contact with several of the students via e-mail, Facebook, and Skype. I also began shifting toward increasing my involvement in our local church by organizing/leading a number of worship services, as well as preaching a couple of times. I devoted a fair share of time toward thoughtfully, prayerfully, and actively considering with Gina what our next steps would be.

It became clear that now was the time to seriously pursue further education at the Ph.D. level, so with the full support of EuNC leadership, I devoted time to investigating numerous programs, studying for the GRE (which I took twice in Geneva), and completing the application process. By the end of January this year, all of that was complete and I returned to making the bulk of my time available to EuNC. However, there has not been a great deal of regular activity to keep busy every hour of each day. During the last five months, I've taught a couple of online directed studies in Church History I and spent most of my time developing Church History II. I've also kept busy supporting Gina in her role; as my activity decreased, hers seemed to increase. There has been plenty to do, but there was also time to rest, reflect, and enjoy the increased amount of time and mental space to devote to personal study and spiritual formation.

I'm proud of my inherited work ethic. But an important lesson I had to learn is that my value did not come from being busy, performing my job well, high-powered networking, or what anybody else thought of me - contrary to a great deal of what Western culture drills into our very souls so that the church is often indistinct from society in that regard. I had to learn in a more everyday, practical sense what our Protestant doctrine of justification by grace alone through faith really means: that my value did not depend on my efforts or image; that God's love for me, His ability to speak to me, and His ability to work in the lives of others through me are just as strong and present when I have very little to do as well as when my schedule is full of even God-centered activity. In short, that I had nothing to prove.

I was recently reminded of Luke 12, which mentions the ravens God feeds and the flowers God clothes. Creation is valuable to God, simply because He is the Creator. He did not create out of any need, but out of love. Even the mere fact of its existence is not something on which to base its value, because (by definition) God created everything out of love before it existed! If a rock can just sit there and be valuable to its Creator, how much more valuable to Him are we - living, breathing, growing, moving creatures whose chief uniqueness is in bearing our Creator's very image and likeness? While it is certainly no excuse for being lazy, it is a huge relief to know that I matter to God simply being who I am apart from any talent, achievement or recognition.

That may sound like this volunteer missionary with a master's level theological education is re-taking Basic Christianity 101. Personally, I think it would do all of us good to get a reminder of such basic concepts as grace and forgiveness, regardless of how many letters are behind our names or what kind of work we do. So while I've generally found ways of keeping busy during this season of decreased activity, I've learned or re-learned some important lessons, however basic they may be. Western society does a poor job of listening, but the Gospel remains relevant and vital even for developed, enlightened cultures like ours, and the church still needs to hear and respond as well as proclaim it. I'm thankful it has worked its way deeper into my own heart over the past few months.

I do have a number of things to look forward to this summer and fall. I've just begun taking a course with other EuNC instructors in developing and teaching online courses. While this may seem redundant since I taught myself on the job a couple of years ago and am more familiar with this method, it's important that each instructor is on the same page and applying the same standards. This course will run through the beginning of June. I will also be teaching Church History II as an online course toward the end of August, and will spend a fair amount of time this summer completing the development of that material. There's a possibility that I may be mentoring one of the young guys who has visited our church recently: he mentioned the idea yesterday, and I quietly leapt at the opportunity by expressing interest and passing him my contact information. I will begin pre-doctoral level study through Nazarene Theological College (Manchester, UK) this fall, and will spend time over the summer introducing myself to Latin -which will be one of two languages I will need in my research subject. I've joined a small prayer team at church, and may be preaching again in October. There are several other potential areas of involvement opening up around the same time, and I will carefully consider each one where the need is apparent and my gifts are able to address it.

It's good to be busy, and it's good to rest. There's certainly a time for both. I'm looking forward to having more to do, and waking up in the morning with a bit more on my schedule during the day. But I'm glad to know that I don't need any of it in order to prove to God that I'm important or valuable.

This is also PURE coincidence, but I suddenly remembered that it was 17 years ago today that I responded to the Gospel for the first time. I did not exactly pray the traditional "sinner's prayer," but I have never entirely forgotten a little request I made that night: "Show me this Christian life I've learned about since I was a kid is actually real, and that Christ actually does make a difference in someone's life. Show me that it's not just stories, or some creative way of trying make us be better people." I couldn't have known what I was really asking (and risking), but neither have I ever regretted it. The Gospel is true, Christ does indeed make a profound difference, and there is definitely so very much more to it than mere moral improvement with a religious basis.

- Andrew