I found this beautiful prayer in a prayer book Andrew showed me, and it so completely captured my ongoing prayer.
Prayer of Abandonment
by Charles de Foucauld
Father, I abandon myself into your hands; Do with me what you will.
Whatever you may do, I thank you;
I am ready for all, I accept all.
Let only your will be done in me and in all your creatures. I wish no more than this, O Lord.
Into your hands I commend my soul:
I offer it to you with all the love of my heart,
for I love you, Lord, and so need to give myself,
to surrender myself into your hands without reserve and with boundless confidence, for you are my Father.
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
Friday, March 2, 2012
Contemplating changes
As you all have read on our blog a number of times, our service here in Germany/Switzerland has always had an indefinite time table. By the nature of being volunteers, we make commitments one year at a time. So we only ever know what the length of one year will bring, and anything after that is a great big blank unknown.
I won't waste time here talking about what it is like to constantly live in a state of temporariness. That's a whole other blog. But as we wait to hear back from the eight or nine doctoral programs that Andrew applied to, and we see this current stretch of commitment drawing toward some kind of close, I bounce between excitement and just plain weariness.
I am thankful that I am a person who, in some ways, thrives on change, since in life -- particularly my life, it seems -- change is the one thing we can depend on.
Don't get me wrong; I like my stable, dependable routines as much as the next person. At the same time, I can get bored quickly when, overall, life becomes too repetitious. I've noticed that generally takes about two years for me. After I've been somewhere about two years, I begin to itch for a change of geography, or at least a solid trip somewhere new.
Yet, as I continue to move every two years or so, that powerful pull toward the new and the novel is increasingly counterweighted with a yearning to put down roots, to just stay put somewhere and make a life right where I am.
After living in our village for just over two years, I've really seen what a slow process it is to make a place for yourself, even in a tiny town. It's taken two years for certain things to begin happening. For instance, a woman in my English class thought to invite me this week to a special prayer gathering at another evangelical church in town, which took place this afternoon. I was glad to go and pray for a particular country with about 40 other women, most of whom I didn't know, but some whose faces were now familiar. It felt good when I made eye contact with several women whom I've regularly passed on the sidewalk, and to see a look of recognition light their faces as they gave me a warm smile and a nod. It's the little things.
Also, a week ago, Andrew and I attended a memorial service for Ernst, the man who ran a leather workshop on the main street of our village and whom we'd been getting to know better each week as we stopped in his shop to chat on our way here or there. He passed away November 30 from kidney failure. It was a special time for us to join other members of the village whose lives had been touched by Ernst and remember his gregarious personality and always happy face.
It's taken a long time, it seems, to begin having these kind of opportunities to be part of this community. So, I am much less naive about how much more time and effort we would need to really become a part of the village life here in a meaningful way. It makes me wish we could stay forever. Two years can seem like a long time, but here, it feels like we're just getting started.
So, on days like today, when I'm particularly tired for whatever reason, the thought of moving yet again and starting all over just makes me exhausted. When you're this tired, it's probably not a good idea to dwell too much on an unknown future or a major upcoming change. But for a few moments I let my thoughts stray to where we might end up next. At this point, anywhere in the world seems like it could be a possibility. And although in the past year I've begun letting myself dream about serving the church in missions long-term, it's hard to imagine having the energy to start all over again in Africa, or Latin America, or even another part of Europe.
Today I had a few moments of questioning if such a thing would really be a good idea. Can I do this all over again, now that I know how hard it can be and what it really takes? Will I be able to cut it starting over in another entirely new culture and language and geography? I thought of the different small things I sacrificed to come here; things I thought weren't a big deal at the time, but which over the past two years have become an increasingly big deal, things I miss a LOT more than I thought I would. If I am without those things here, in Germany, in another location I'd certainly be without them and without a lot more things that I enjoy and feel like I need, whether I do or not.
Can I make another move like this? I wondered.
No, I realized in my temporary tiredness, I can't imagine doing this again. Not without God.
I can't imagine doing any of this without the Holy Spirit, and without knowing that God is leading me on this journey, and that He is working all things together for our good. Because on the most difficult days, when you're the most exhausted and you just don't know how you can go on, that is what gets you through. God's strength, which is a kazillion times greater than our strength, holds you up; and His peace, which assures you that you can trust you haven't made a mistake -- that you're right where He wants you -- puts to rest any doubt that you've gotten yourself in over your head through some naive decision of your own to move to another culture.
So, I put those thoughts and doubts to rest as I get some some rest myself. I try not to dwell on this kind of thing when I'm tired. Yet, in doing so today, God simply reminded me that I'm not doing this on my own, and that none of it is up to me. He won't put me in a situation that He won't give me the strength to work through, and wherever He puts me, it's right where He wants me. And that's the only place I want to be.
I won't waste time here talking about what it is like to constantly live in a state of temporariness. That's a whole other blog. But as we wait to hear back from the eight or nine doctoral programs that Andrew applied to, and we see this current stretch of commitment drawing toward some kind of close, I bounce between excitement and just plain weariness.
I am thankful that I am a person who, in some ways, thrives on change, since in life -- particularly my life, it seems -- change is the one thing we can depend on.
Don't get me wrong; I like my stable, dependable routines as much as the next person. At the same time, I can get bored quickly when, overall, life becomes too repetitious. I've noticed that generally takes about two years for me. After I've been somewhere about two years, I begin to itch for a change of geography, or at least a solid trip somewhere new.
Yet, as I continue to move every two years or so, that powerful pull toward the new and the novel is increasingly counterweighted with a yearning to put down roots, to just stay put somewhere and make a life right where I am.
After living in our village for just over two years, I've really seen what a slow process it is to make a place for yourself, even in a tiny town. It's taken two years for certain things to begin happening. For instance, a woman in my English class thought to invite me this week to a special prayer gathering at another evangelical church in town, which took place this afternoon. I was glad to go and pray for a particular country with about 40 other women, most of whom I didn't know, but some whose faces were now familiar. It felt good when I made eye contact with several women whom I've regularly passed on the sidewalk, and to see a look of recognition light their faces as they gave me a warm smile and a nod. It's the little things.
Also, a week ago, Andrew and I attended a memorial service for Ernst, the man who ran a leather workshop on the main street of our village and whom we'd been getting to know better each week as we stopped in his shop to chat on our way here or there. He passed away November 30 from kidney failure. It was a special time for us to join other members of the village whose lives had been touched by Ernst and remember his gregarious personality and always happy face.
It's taken a long time, it seems, to begin having these kind of opportunities to be part of this community. So, I am much less naive about how much more time and effort we would need to really become a part of the village life here in a meaningful way. It makes me wish we could stay forever. Two years can seem like a long time, but here, it feels like we're just getting started.
So, on days like today, when I'm particularly tired for whatever reason, the thought of moving yet again and starting all over just makes me exhausted. When you're this tired, it's probably not a good idea to dwell too much on an unknown future or a major upcoming change. But for a few moments I let my thoughts stray to where we might end up next. At this point, anywhere in the world seems like it could be a possibility. And although in the past year I've begun letting myself dream about serving the church in missions long-term, it's hard to imagine having the energy to start all over again in Africa, or Latin America, or even another part of Europe.
Today I had a few moments of questioning if such a thing would really be a good idea. Can I do this all over again, now that I know how hard it can be and what it really takes? Will I be able to cut it starting over in another entirely new culture and language and geography? I thought of the different small things I sacrificed to come here; things I thought weren't a big deal at the time, but which over the past two years have become an increasingly big deal, things I miss a LOT more than I thought I would. If I am without those things here, in Germany, in another location I'd certainly be without them and without a lot more things that I enjoy and feel like I need, whether I do or not.
Can I make another move like this? I wondered.
No, I realized in my temporary tiredness, I can't imagine doing this again. Not without God.
I can't imagine doing any of this without the Holy Spirit, and without knowing that God is leading me on this journey, and that He is working all things together for our good. Because on the most difficult days, when you're the most exhausted and you just don't know how you can go on, that is what gets you through. God's strength, which is a kazillion times greater than our strength, holds you up; and His peace, which assures you that you can trust you haven't made a mistake -- that you're right where He wants you -- puts to rest any doubt that you've gotten yourself in over your head through some naive decision of your own to move to another culture.
So, I put those thoughts and doubts to rest as I get some some rest myself. I try not to dwell on this kind of thing when I'm tired. Yet, in doing so today, God simply reminded me that I'm not doing this on my own, and that none of it is up to me. He won't put me in a situation that He won't give me the strength to work through, and wherever He puts me, it's right where He wants me. And that's the only place I want to be.
Friday, February 3, 2012
European kitchens
Several people have told me in the past year that if you pay attention to the feelings in your dreams, it can sometimes give you a clue to what you're feeling and experiencing when you're awake, because your subconscious tries to continue processing and problem-solving when you're sleeping.
It's a pretty easy guess, then, what last night's dream was about.
I dreamed that I had ordered a custom-built house, and when it was done, Andrew and I packed up all our stuff and drove over to the house to move in. Several local friends, some of whom are German, showed up to help us unload everything into the new house.
As we walked up to the house, I realized that the kitchen wasn’t finished — it had only three walls, and the fourth wall was open to the outside; also there was no roof. So it was like an outdoor kitchen.
“They didn’t finish the kitchen!” I said, upset.
“Yes, they did. This is the European style of kitchen,” said my German friend. “All the kitchens in Europe are this way.”
“But what about when it’s winter, and it’s cold and rainy?” I asked.
“Oh, we just plug in extra heaters and use umbrellas, it’s totally fine,” he said.
Although this dream is a lot more exaggerated than real life scenarios, the feeling reminded me of the many times that I -- as someone still becoming familiar with the culture of my immediate surroundings -- am trying to understand the normal way of doing things in my new home.
In a new culture, at first glance you might think the way of doing things seems rather impractical, inefficient or straight-out strange. Yet, if you take the time to ask questions, observe how new friends do things and why, you often find that it makes good sense in your new context after all.
And then you have funny dreams about it.
-- Gina
It's a pretty easy guess, then, what last night's dream was about.
I dreamed that I had ordered a custom-built house, and when it was done, Andrew and I packed up all our stuff and drove over to the house to move in. Several local friends, some of whom are German, showed up to help us unload everything into the new house.
As we walked up to the house, I realized that the kitchen wasn’t finished — it had only three walls, and the fourth wall was open to the outside; also there was no roof. So it was like an outdoor kitchen.
“They didn’t finish the kitchen!” I said, upset.
“Yes, they did. This is the European style of kitchen,” said my German friend. “All the kitchens in Europe are this way.”
“But what about when it’s winter, and it’s cold and rainy?” I asked.
“Oh, we just plug in extra heaters and use umbrellas, it’s totally fine,” he said.
Although this dream is a lot more exaggerated than real life scenarios, the feeling reminded me of the many times that I -- as someone still becoming familiar with the culture of my immediate surroundings -- am trying to understand the normal way of doing things in my new home.
In a new culture, at first glance you might think the way of doing things seems rather impractical, inefficient or straight-out strange. Yet, if you take the time to ask questions, observe how new friends do things and why, you often find that it makes good sense in your new context after all.
And then you have funny dreams about it.
-- Gina
Monday, January 30, 2012
Faculty Assembly 2012
EuNC's Faculty Assembly was hosted on the campus this past week. Last year, the announcement was made about the end of the campus residential program. During that year, EuNC's focus shifted toward its learning centers and how to move effectively into the future of a fully decentralized education model. More details were provided this year (approximately 655 pages worth!).
The goal is for each learning center to effectively function as its own campus in connection with the central administration offices and every other learning center. EuNC continues to pursue accreditation by the European Evangelical Accrediting Assocation (EEAA), and representatives were in Büsingen to observe parts of the Faculty Assembly, meet with EuNC leadership, and interview representatives of the faculty and students. Currently, EuNC is considered a candidate school, having passed the initial candidacy visit of one year ago. EuNC is in the process of preparing for the final accreditation review. Prayers are appreciated for EuNC as full accreditation for its learning centers will be a vital step in moving forward.
Along with learning these kinds of important details and receiving further training, it was a great time of being reunited with faculty from other parts of Europe. Some of these included friends from seminary like Jonathan Phillips and Gil Thibault, and former EuNC students Cezarina Cufaj and Sara Schmid Hasbajrami who are now serving as tutors and helping operate learning centers in their respective countries. I enjoyed meeting the pastor who had just completed an online directed study with me in church history. I also met the new director of the Netherlands learning center, Ineke Swart-den Boer, who is taking over for Gemmeke Hagoort.
This was the last year that Faculty Assembly would be held in Büsingen. Decentralizing means that these meetings will be hosted by different learning centers in the future. Gelnhausen, a German town in the vicinity of Frankfurt, will host next year's Faculty Assembly. Romania, the Netherlands, etc. are all potential hosts in the coming years as well.
What has become clear is not so much that something has ended (the EuNC campus and traditional program), but that God has multiplied EuNC's presence across Europe. If the little campus in a tiny rural German village has represented the proverbial "five loaves and two fish," then this decentralized model represents Christ's multiplication of resources. In other words, EuNC has gotten a lot bigger and has the opportunity to make a greater impact. I'm also reminded of the brief image of Jesus watching a destitute widow put two coins in the temple offering. She gave more than anybody else, Jesus said, because she had given all she had to God. EuNC is not the biggest school with the most educational programs, yet there is no question that leadership, faculty, and students alike are giving all they have. This isn't easy and certainly comes with a heavy price tag of one sort or another, but people here regularly give all they've got out of love for God and the desire to see the world changed as hearts are transformed. I am daily amazed and grateful to be among them.
The goal is for each learning center to effectively function as its own campus in connection with the central administration offices and every other learning center. EuNC continues to pursue accreditation by the European Evangelical Accrediting Assocation (EEAA), and representatives were in Büsingen to observe parts of the Faculty Assembly, meet with EuNC leadership, and interview representatives of the faculty and students. Currently, EuNC is considered a candidate school, having passed the initial candidacy visit of one year ago. EuNC is in the process of preparing for the final accreditation review. Prayers are appreciated for EuNC as full accreditation for its learning centers will be a vital step in moving forward.
Along with learning these kinds of important details and receiving further training, it was a great time of being reunited with faculty from other parts of Europe. Some of these included friends from seminary like Jonathan Phillips and Gil Thibault, and former EuNC students Cezarina Cufaj and Sara Schmid Hasbajrami who are now serving as tutors and helping operate learning centers in their respective countries. I enjoyed meeting the pastor who had just completed an online directed study with me in church history. I also met the new director of the Netherlands learning center, Ineke Swart-den Boer, who is taking over for Gemmeke Hagoort.
This was the last year that Faculty Assembly would be held in Büsingen. Decentralizing means that these meetings will be hosted by different learning centers in the future. Gelnhausen, a German town in the vicinity of Frankfurt, will host next year's Faculty Assembly. Romania, the Netherlands, etc. are all potential hosts in the coming years as well.
What has become clear is not so much that something has ended (the EuNC campus and traditional program), but that God has multiplied EuNC's presence across Europe. If the little campus in a tiny rural German village has represented the proverbial "five loaves and two fish," then this decentralized model represents Christ's multiplication of resources. In other words, EuNC has gotten a lot bigger and has the opportunity to make a greater impact. I'm also reminded of the brief image of Jesus watching a destitute widow put two coins in the temple offering. She gave more than anybody else, Jesus said, because she had given all she had to God. EuNC is not the biggest school with the most educational programs, yet there is no question that leadership, faculty, and students alike are giving all they have. This isn't easy and certainly comes with a heavy price tag of one sort or another, but people here regularly give all they've got out of love for God and the desire to see the world changed as hearts are transformed. I am daily amazed and grateful to be among them.
Monday, December 26, 2011
Looking Ahead to 2012!
Writing a Christmas letter this year seems to have slipped our minds. We hope that you have kept up to date with us throughout the year anyway by reading this blog, and checking in to our Facebook group "Pottengers in Germany." S0 maybe a Christmas letter would be a little redundant.
Instead of re-capping 2011, then, we'd like to share some of what we are looking forward to in 2012. Besides, I would just like the record to show that even a semi-traditionalist history nerd like me has the ability to look forward as well as back. :-)
On January 1, Gina and I will be speaking in the 10:45 a.m. service at Colorado Springs First Church of the Nazarene. We are thrilled to share more of our journey in the past two years with our home church, and we invite those of you in the area to be a part of that service.
EuNC will be hosting its annual Faculty Assembly on Jan. 25-26. Included in that weekend of activity will be meetings of the executive committee and board of trustees. Prayers for EuNC during this time will be much appreciated, as the college continues to move forward in its new phase of decentralized education. I will participate in the Faculty Assembly, and look forward to being reunited with a couple of former students who are now helping develop and operate EuNC learning centers in Italy and Albania.
The most frequent question we've received lately is "How long will you be in Europe?" We'd like to take a moment and share the little we know in answer to that question.
We originally signed on for one year of service and, as you know, ended up serving for a second year. That second year will end at the beginning of February 2012. However, we plan to stay where we are until the end of May. Some of you are aware that I am ready to pursue a Ph.D. in History, so that I may continue following God's call to serve overseas as an educator. I have begun applying to nine different doctoral programs in the U.S. and in the U.K. I anticipate hearing something from each of them sometime in March or April. This will help Gina and I know where we will go next, and give us time to get things together before leaving Büsingen at the end of May.
Besides, we've tried moving in the winter-time three times, and it's no fun! We'd rather wait for warmer weather anyway!
That's what we know, and even that - as we've learned - is pretty much up for grabs. We are preparing for any foreseeable eventuality, knowing how suddenly things can change. More than anything, we are simply trying to keep our focus and our trust where they belong. God has led us well in the past ... we would never have imagined spending two years in Europe as missionaries. He will be faithful (and probably mischievous enough) in leading us to some wild and unimaginable future. We don't believe that a follower of Christ need ever be bored with life, that's for sure! And whenever we find ourselves less than enthused about the old routine, the truth is that even apparent ordinariness holds something of the Extraordinary within if one has the eyes to see.
So, the answer to that most-often received question is, truthfully, "We don't know the details, but we have a plan (or three) currently in operation." In the meantime, we seek the Lord's direction and trust his guidance. It's not a bad way to live at all. In fact, we highly recommend it.
Instead of re-capping 2011, then, we'd like to share some of what we are looking forward to in 2012. Besides, I would just like the record to show that even a semi-traditionalist history nerd like me has the ability to look forward as well as back. :-)
On January 1, Gina and I will be speaking in the 10:45 a.m. service at Colorado Springs First Church of the Nazarene. We are thrilled to share more of our journey in the past two years with our home church, and we invite those of you in the area to be a part of that service.
EuNC will be hosting its annual Faculty Assembly on Jan. 25-26. Included in that weekend of activity will be meetings of the executive committee and board of trustees. Prayers for EuNC during this time will be much appreciated, as the college continues to move forward in its new phase of decentralized education. I will participate in the Faculty Assembly, and look forward to being reunited with a couple of former students who are now helping develop and operate EuNC learning centers in Italy and Albania.
The most frequent question we've received lately is "How long will you be in Europe?" We'd like to take a moment and share the little we know in answer to that question.
We originally signed on for one year of service and, as you know, ended up serving for a second year. That second year will end at the beginning of February 2012. However, we plan to stay where we are until the end of May. Some of you are aware that I am ready to pursue a Ph.D. in History, so that I may continue following God's call to serve overseas as an educator. I have begun applying to nine different doctoral programs in the U.S. and in the U.K. I anticipate hearing something from each of them sometime in March or April. This will help Gina and I know where we will go next, and give us time to get things together before leaving Büsingen at the end of May.
Besides, we've tried moving in the winter-time three times, and it's no fun! We'd rather wait for warmer weather anyway!
That's what we know, and even that - as we've learned - is pretty much up for grabs. We are preparing for any foreseeable eventuality, knowing how suddenly things can change. More than anything, we are simply trying to keep our focus and our trust where they belong. God has led us well in the past ... we would never have imagined spending two years in Europe as missionaries. He will be faithful (and probably mischievous enough) in leading us to some wild and unimaginable future. We don't believe that a follower of Christ need ever be bored with life, that's for sure! And whenever we find ourselves less than enthused about the old routine, the truth is that even apparent ordinariness holds something of the Extraordinary within if one has the eyes to see.
So, the answer to that most-often received question is, truthfully, "We don't know the details, but we have a plan (or three) currently in operation." In the meantime, we seek the Lord's direction and trust his guidance. It's not a bad way to live at all. In fact, we highly recommend it.
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
Losing A Friend
Gina and I lost a friend last Thursday. His name was Ernst, and he was an older man who ran a leather workshop a few doors down from the EuNC campus and Eurasia Regional Office.
Gina phoned me Thursday morning to tell me he was gone. Neither of us could believe it as he always seemed more or less in fine health.
We received information today confirming his death, and that he had been to see the doctor that week. The doctor ordered him to immediately go to the hospital, but Ernst (stubborn and independent to the end) refused to heed the doctor's advice. Instead, he went back to his shop, locked the door, and decided to lay down awhile. When he didn't come home, his lady-friend tried to get into the shop to see if he was there. When she couldn't get in, she called the police. They broke into the shop and discovered his body. He had died from kidney failure.
Gina and I were still in the process of getting to know Ernst, but here's the little we do know. He grew up near a U.S. military base in Germany, and learned English from the soldiers he met there. His American accent, laced with a slight East Coast flavor, was flawless. He lived in Büsingen for a long time before leaving for awhile, and recently returned within the past year and opened up his leather shop where Pastor Ludwig (our local church pastor) used to keep his office. Gina engaged him in conversation at one point, and told me what a sci-fi nerd Ernst was. Within days, I also walked down and began talking to him. If there was one thing about Ernst it was his ability to hold up his end of a conversation.
He was great fun to talk to about a wide range of subjects. He gave me a CD of a number of sci-fi books I could read on the computer, and we enjoyed sharing book and film recommendations. He had some very strange ideas about politics and religion, which he seemed to mix up together with a generous dose of occult prophecy and conspiracy theory. He was quite convinced about the evils of the Catholic Church, with which he tended to lump all streams of organized religion. He could talk on and on about such things, unless you found a way to politely change the subject.
Strange ideas aside, he really was very enjoyable to talk with. Sometimes, he might be too eager to talk for a long time if we were on our way somewhere under a time-crunch. For the most part, however, it was pleasant to stop by his shop for a few minutes and talk and laugh with him. Gina and I both tried to "test the waters" and engage him in spiritual topics, but these would usually degenerate into his conspiracy theories and memorized occult prophecies. We could talk about anything else in a rational way, but religion and politics were definitely subjects to avoid. He was so kind and friendly, but filled with distrust of the Church.
Despite his oddness, he was a recognizable part of the community. Many people from Büsingen, as well as Gina and I, would stop by his shop to talk. He was very friendly with everyone, always had something good to say, and appeared to be a popular figure among the locals. He repaired Gina's winter shoes free of charge, and was going to teach me how to do simple leather projects which I was planning to give away as Christmas presents.
It's not the first time someone in my sphere of influence has died before I could directly share the Gospel and invite them to make a decision. It's not the first time that I question whether or not I did my job as a Christian. His death brings questions to our minds: Did we do enough? Were there missed opportunities? Could we have been more deliberate about sharing Christ with him? Could he see Jesus in us at all, despite his distrust of the Church?
We can only trust in God's love and mercy, and His greater knowledge of Ernst's heart and life. We had no idea time was so short.
Saturday, December 3, 2011
Christmas market
I shot some video of the Christmas market in Frankfurt so you could have a taste of the atmosphere.
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